As requested by Anne
There are a lot of shit articles out there on this. I feel like most of them were written by people who don’t even have strong self esteem. In any case, they all say the same thing and most of it is garbage.
Here’s how it really works:
First: get fucking fed up
With feeling shitty. With being frustrated. With being hurt or pissed; sad or mad.
You done with people hurting you? You can say whatever you want, but if you keep allowing it to happen, I can’t help you, and reading the rest of this article is a waste of your fucking time.
Get exhausted. Get disgusted. Fucking decide you want it.
BUILDING SELF ESTEEM IS NOT ABOUT:
It’s not about “stopping” bad habits
“Just don’t compare yourself to others… don’t get down on yourself… don’t chase after people… etc.”
Look, that’s not how it goes.
It’s not about forcing yourself not to do something. It’s about developing a mindset where you don’t even want to.
Question: why don’t you reach for meth in the morning? (I mean, I’m assuming you don’t.) Is it because you tell yourself “don’t do meth” each night before bed? Is it a conscious decision you have to force?
No. Doing meth probably doesn’t even occur to you. There’s no desire to. And it’s because, in part, you care about yourself enough. (Conversely, if you did do meth, no amount of “telling yourself not to” would change the mindset that still makes you want to.)
It’s the same with any shitty behavior. Including comparing ourselves to others or talking ourselves down or whatever else.
It’s not just about not doing it. It’s about not wanting to. It’s about building a mindset where treating yourself like shit ranks as tempting as shooting up.